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Q:One of my kids (6) has been enrolled and seems to be enjoying various sports for a couple of years now and wants to keep going. My other (9) is not interested. I am worried we are giving the one who is in sports more attention, especially on the weekends when there are games. Will this unbalance cause problems or is this OK? Should we try to convince the 9-year-old to pick a sport?

The good news about your question is your awareness of the possible problems that can arise from an imbalance in parental attention and time spent with each child, sports spectating included.

Throughout their growing years, all children thrive on the individual attentions they receive from each parent. And believe me, they notice. Some will even measure and keep track.

That said, there will be times throughout their childhood when one child or the other actually requires more parental attention. This would be the case when normal behavioral stumbling blocks happen, when physical difficulties arise, when school and environmental issues come to light, to name just a few. Then there is the other kind, the genuine imbalance. In my book, “Just Tell Me What to Say,” in the chapter “Siblings,” I have an extended discussion of this situation.

In the normal scheme of things, however, parents know to pay heed to a more even spread of their attentions to each child, just as you are thinking.

We know well that each child needs to feel significant to his parents. And just one of the many ways we do that is in quality time spent together, parent and child only, without the other child(ren) in the picture at all.

How great it is that your 6-year-old is enjoying sports. Raising children today involves exposure to many different activities, sports being just one. And honestly, the time required of parents as spectators is kind of unavoidable in family communities like our Palisades if your child is interested. Lots of family time and friend time are centered around park and (team) sports.

But that doesn’t mean that sports activities are going to be all of your children’s “thing.” Different kids, different likes and interests for all kinds of reasons. Pushing (or shall we say encouraging) your child to do something in which s/he has no interest, or shows a resistance to doing, or that just isn’t her/his thing, is not usually a good idea. (Of course, there are those kids who are reluctant to try anything new, ever. There are those who won’t try something unless they are sure they’ll be successful. And there are those who a very slow starters at the unfamiliar, but once they’ve tried, they love it and are all in. But that is for a different column.)

What seems to be important here is that you find ways to equalize the attention you give both of your children. Being dragged to watch a sibling’s event of any kind does not count. It is a strong message about the other’s importance (and not her/his) to you. If your weekends are spent at her/his brother’s games, the imbalance will be absorbed.

Each child is fueled by her/his parents’ individualized attention. This does not mean taking him on errands. It means enjoying time together, doing what s/he likes to do.

How interesting it is that, while we say we want our children to be individuals, accept that they are different from one another, we sometimes try to push them together, assuming they will both want to play soccer or karate or piano. Some are even placed on the same team. It might be easier, more convenient or expedient, but it sure doesn’t encourage sibling individuality.

Bottom line, to answer your question, YES and NO. Might the unbalanced attention lead to issues later on? It sure might. And should you try to convince your 9-year-old to pick a sport? I think not. Rather, pay attention to each child’s interests and find time to spend with him around that interest. Let his interest become your interest and pleasure. And when your weekends are top heavy with the 6-year-old’s games, perhaps you and your spouse can take turns attending. You might even pull Grandpa or an aunt or close friend in to be in the stands while you take time with the other.

I applaud you in recognizing that your outsized attention to one child needs reconsideration. Just know that your attention will never be entirely equally given. But in the end, given the ups and downs that all children experience, each child will hopefully get just what s/he needs.

BBB is a child development and behavior specialist in Pacific Palisades. She can be reached through betsybrownbraun.com.