Reuben ‘Ruby’ Pannor, a social worker and pioneer in the field of open adoption, died on December 22 at the age of 90. A man overflowing with kindness and empathy, Reuben was a familiar presence in Pacific Palisades, walking his dog or kibitzing with friends at Mort’s Deli. He and his twin brother Harry were born on July 4, 1922, to Rose and Isidor Pannor in the small village of Slobodka, in Lithuania. The twins and their younger sister Esther spent their early childhood surrounded by generations of extended family. In response to growing anti-Jewish sentiment prior to World War II, Reuben’s immediate family immigrated to America when he was eight years old. Reuben grew up in Poughkeepsie, New York, where his parents, early union supporters, worked as tailors in a factory. When’the war started, Reuben joined the Army Air Corps. Stationed on Fernando di Naronha, an isolated island penal colony 100 miles off the coast of Brazil, Reuben was responsible for predicting the weather over the Atlantic Ocean for use in military operations. He later awed his children and grandchildren with tales of befriending the island’s prisoners and his uncanny ability to identify clouds and forecast the next storm. After World War II, the GI Bill enabled Reuben to obtain an undergraduate degree from Cornell and a master’s degree in social work from’Columbia University. One day in 1948, he was visiting the Museum of Modern Art in New York City,’where he repeatedly found himself gazing at the same paintings as Sydell Alpers, a Poughkeepsie girl who recognized him as one of those handsome Pannor twins. In Sydell, Reuben found a true match in temperament and intellect, a’shared passion for social justice, and a soul mate. In 1953, Reuben and Sydell followed Harry to Los Angeles, eventually moving to Pacific Palisades to raise their three children. For 30 years, Reuben worked at the nationally recognized child welfare agency Vista del Mar, where he became the director of community services and later director of adoptions. Through his clinical work, he noticed that the needs of birth fathers had been overlooked, leading to the publication of his first book, ‘The Unwed Father,’ co-written with Byron Evans. Through his interactions with birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees, Reuben developed several key insights: that birth parents often suffered for years from their loss, that it was natural for children to wonder about their biological origins, and that adoptive parents’ relationships with their children were strengthened, not harmed, by openness about adoption.’ In 1978, he wrote a seminal book, ‘The Adoption Triangle,”with co-authors Annette Baran and Arthur Sorosky.’This book’argued that adopted children had a right to know about their origins and that laws preventing this were cruel and should be abolished. Reuben championed the belief that knowledge of one’s origins should be a civil right for all. Another book, ‘Lethal Secrets,’ co-written with Annette Baran, addressed issues of secrecy and genetic heritage for those who had children through donor insemination. He received numerous awards for his work, including a citation from the U.S. Congress.’ Reuben touched countless lives and engaged in many communities. He was constantly sought out for his wise counsel. He always had time to listen and he gave the best advice. He was a prolific storyteller, captivating his children and grandchildren with long, creative tales he made up as he went along. He inspired in his family a great passion for the outdoors: Yosemite Valley, Sequoia, the Sierra, the Colorado Rocky Mountains and the Alaska wilderness were second homes. Closer to home, Reuben was frequently spotted walking his dog through the Palisades or engrossed in political conversations. He is survived by his wife of 62 years, Sydell; his children, Suzanna, Gerry (husband Rick) and Jonathan; and his grandchildren, Sarah, Michael, David, Viva, Golda, Ari, Jacob and Sam. Reuben touched all who knew him with his unconditional love and is lovingly remembered for his profound compassion, commitment to reducing suffering, ready chuckle, and his smiling eyes. A celebration of Reuben’s life was held on December 27 at Congregation Kehillat Israel.
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