Being a Father

For Father’s Day, ask any dad.

We don’t want our kids spending money on any presents for us. We just want the cards.

Something where they tell us that a little bit of us—is a little bit of them.

Gifts—we don’t need. We’ve got plenty. That’s what Amazon is for.

But what we can’t buy on Father’s Day is what it means to have our kids in a room looking at us in the eyes—or feeling their hearts beating through a phone from across the country.

New to the job of being a grampie, I love watching my kids’ pals cruising around with their strollers and dangling their toes in the amazing waters of being parents.

A few thoughts for the young dads out there …

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Being a father.

Going in, I had no idea how to be a good one—and I feel like I know even less now. I’ve made thousands of mistakes raising our two girls so far, and I’m sure today will be no exception.

But I can tell you this.

Having a kid took about 10 minutes—and that’s if you include brushing my teeth, turning on the music and kicking the dog off the bed.

Becoming a father is something I’ve been working at every single day since my wife looked me in the eyes and said, “We’re having a baby.”

As their lives keep twisting and turning, I’m hanging on for dear life to one of the most treasured, glorious, inspiring, rich roles in my journey here on this earth …

Being a father.

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And if you think it’s all going by fast now, buckle in for the fastest ride in your life.

I was you 15 minutes ago.

And, trust me, along every step of the journey, gravity will be pulling you into meetings, into golf games, into your texts and emails, you name it.

Here’s my old-man advice.

Whenever you start feeling sorry for yourself and wishing you were somewhere else, imagine you’re 68. When you’d give your left arm to be able to go back and spend five minutes with them, just one more time.

And here’s why.

You can’t go back.

You can’t go back to the feeling of holding them, only minutes old—and welcoming them into the world.

To witnessing your wife holding her baby for the very first time.

To the joy of feeding them in their high chairs, driving ’em with their helmets on the back of your bike or reading to them in their beds, gently tucked under your arm.

To seeing your kids charge down the stairs at Christmas.

Or to standing in the back of an auditorium watching ’em sing or dance in a school play, or to cheering on the sidelines when they’re baby horses just trying their best to stand up in front of their friends.

I’m not saying it’s all pretty. No doubt about it: It is a roller coaster—with unbearable turns when you just can’t wait for the track to straighten out.

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You think you’re losing sleep when your kid is just a few months old?

Just wait until you’re in the back half of high school years. Or when your kids are home for summers in college.

Tell me how that feels, waiting up all night long for them to come strolling in the door.

But I can promise you this.

As they evolve, so will you. You will become a father and a man who does the right thing when the moment calls.

You’re going to know the meaning of a word that’s the biggest word in the world.

A word that has so many dimensions. So complicated. So rich. So awesome. So beautiful. 

So terrifying. A word that makes you so profoundly full.

Love.

And as days and years march on, it just gets better and better.

But the bonus to me? I thought the ride ended after college.

Nope.

You’re still on the team. You just don’t get to play as much.

They still want and need a dad. A voice of reason. Of balance.

Of integrity. Of honor. Of discipline. Who champions the wonder of it all.

Maybe not every day, but when they call, what a thrill it is to come in off the bench to get in their game.

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Give yourself a treat tonight before you go to bed.

Look in the mirror. Take a good long look.

And see in that mirror the generations before you—who would be so proud of the man you have become.

And give thanks for the greatest gift you could ever imagine.

The privilege of belonging to that sacred, honorable fraternity.

Being a father.

Jimmy Dunne is a modern-day Renaissance Man; a hit songwriter (28 million hit records), screenwriter/producer of hit television series, award-winning author, an entrepreneur—and a Palisadian “Citizen of the Year.” You can reach him at j@jimmydunne.com or jimmydunne.substack.com.

The Palisadian-Post has partnered with locally founded environmental organization Resilient Palisades to deliver a “green tip” to our readers in each newspaper. This edition’s tip was written by Lisa Kaas Boyle, environmental attorney and Resilient Palisades Zero Waste team member.

Nobody’s perfect, but every good thing we do adds up, just as the bad things do.

I am an environmental attorney who has done much to benefit the planet in my career, from helping draft federal legislation that banned plastic microbeads in consumer personal care products to leading the successful legal battle to stop Washington Mutual from building a city in Malibu on Ahmanson Ranch that would have destroyed the Malibu Creek Watershed and Surfrider Beach. (The land is now parkland!)

I try to be environmentally low impact in my personal life—I drive an electric car, I don’t drink bottled water, for example. But, here comes the confession: I am far from a perfect environmentalist.

My friend and fellow Palisadian Sheila Morovati has written a book that speaks directly to me—and to us all.

In “Imperfect Environmentalist: How to Reduce Waste and Create Change for a Better Planet,” Morovati “encourages readers to adopt new behaviors and shift their perspectives so that they, too, can make a difference.”

“Imperfect Environmentalist” also dispels the myth that to be considered an environmentalist, one must be all in, or live “zero waste,” to have a meaningful impact on combating climate change. Small modifications, such as committing to eating eight plant-based meals per week or cutting out plastic utensils, can add up to a large impact.

Each chapter includes 10 action steps for readers to adopt in their daily lives to become more eco-friendly, resulting in a comprehensive manual of creative tips for eliminating “habits of waste.”

Just as Morovati’s book was published, I had a shock when a routine blood test showed my bad cholesterol was high. I couldn’t believe it. I’m thin, I exercise. What could be the cause of this dangerous condition?

My doctor asked me what I ate that week. I began, “Well, besides my morning tea with cream and my oatmeal with whole milk, I made ‘Marry Me Chicken’ for my family … ”

“What’s that?” asked my doctor.

“You take a cup of heavy cream, add parmigiana cheese … ”

He stopped me there: “That should be called ‘Kill Me Chicken!’ You are clogging up your arteries. Anyone in your family have strokes, blood clots … ”

“Ummm, yes and yes.”

“Well, you need to cut all that cream right now.”

I protested, “But my maiden name is Kaas, that’s cheese in Dutch. My father’s people moved from Holland to Wisconsin and kept making cheese. It’s literally in my blood.”

“No kidding … ” said my doctor. “Stop. Now.”

So I did. I await my next blood test to see the impact. But the impact of my ditching dairy, or at least reducing it (I am a Kaas), is not just on me. My action impacts the environment I fight to protect. There have been many Green Tips in this paper written by our Resilient Palisades Vegan Solutions team about the high climate change impact of factory farms and dairy.

So what I do for my own heath, and the health of my family, has an impact on the climate and environment we all share. The familiar adage is that acting locally has a global impact. So true. But the corollary (and coronary!) is that acting personally has a significant impact on our planet.

As imperfect as I am, I am learning, and growing healthier and better all the time. If you want to know more, read Morovati’s book (available at imperfectenvironmentalist.org) and join resilientpalisades.org in our friendly group of imperfect environmentalists working locally toward a better future for us all.