‘Jimmy Dunne Says’

The Palisadian-Post presents an homage to Will Rogers’ column, “Will Rogers Says,” with a column by Palisadian Jimmy Dunne—on life in the “greatest town in America.”

I know you’re not supposed be prejudiced to any group of people, but I can’t help myself about one group.

Lefties.

They’re just so cool. I’m sure 10% out there would agree—they’re just … what’s the word?  Better? So fun to be with. What’s not to love about a lefty?

And to all you righties in town, we know deep down, that you’re just a little bit jealous.

We see in your eyes when we’re throwing a baseball, or hitting a spinning lefty serve, or just waving to our pals.

We don’t let the little stuff get to us; smearing ink all over our hands when we write, righty scissors, backward coffee cups, upside-down belts, watches, three-ringed binders, swiping credit cards, can openers—we’re not complaining.

And we’ve been taking a lot—and I mean a lot—of heat over the years.

So what that neurobiologists think lefties can be traced to a mutation.

So what if the more primitive the primate, the more likely they’re lefties. That lemurs are 75% lefties; that gorillas and chimpanzees are 35% lefties, and only 10% of humans are southpaws.

Maybe it’s true we’re just a wee-bit—I mean a wee-bit—more absent-minded.

And we couldn’t care less that “left” comes from the Old English “lyft,” meaning “weak” or “useless.” Or, in Latin, that lefty means “sinister.”

Hmmm.

Leonardo da Vinci. Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Albert Einstein. Helen Keller. Pablo Picasso. Neil Armstrong. Carol Burnett. Michelangelo. Paul McCartney. Lady Gaga. Isaac Newton. Oprah. Aristotle. Cole Porter. Tina Fey. Benjamin Franklin. Nicole Kidman. Charlie Chaplin. Beethoven. Jennifer Lawrence. Mark Twain. Marie Curie. Babe Ruth. Harpo Marx. Jimi Hendrix. Julia Roberts. Pele. Bach. Rembrandt. Marilyn Monroe. Paul Simon. Edward R. Murrow. Charlie Chaplin. Ringo. Buzz Aldrin. Bart Simpson. Sting. John Kennedy. Gandhi. Bob Dylan.

Lyft that.

Jimmy Dunne is modern-day Renaissance Man; a hit songwriter (28 million hit records), screenwriter/producer of hit television series, award-winning author, an entrepreneur—and a Palisadian “Citizen of the Year.” You can reach him at j@jimmydunne.com.