Defining Wisdom

Palisadian Dr. Laura Gabayan Researched What it Means to be Wise for Her Book “Common Wisdom”

By SARAH SHMERLING | Editor-in-Chief

When Palisadian Dr. Laura Gabayan had to reevaluate her career, she took her research skills across North America on a quest to define what it means to be wise.

Now, Gabayan is celebrating the publishing of her book, “Common Wisdom: 8 Scientific Elements of a Meaningful Life,” which details “essential life skills that are not taught in school.”

Born in the Middle East, Gabayan came to the United States when she was 6 years old. She went to undergrad, attended medical school and completed her residency in emergency medicine all at University of California, Los Angeles.

Gabayan has lived in Pacific Palisades for about 18 years, first in Marquez Knolls and now Via Bluffs. Her four children—Jacob, Gabrielle, Michael and Sarah—have gone to Palisades Charter Elementary and Palisades Charter High schools.

She said that she chose emergency medicine for two reasons: “Control has been really important to me, and I wanted to control or know what happens to people in emergencies,” and because she liked “how fast paced it was.”

Gabayan then did an additional three years of research training, which is when she got her master’s. It was after that when she started publishing “a lot in academia,” including different journals.

Then, in 2013, Gabayan said she started to “develop a lot of random symptoms.”

“Ultimately, my body fell apart to a point that it still is,” Gabayan described, adding that her speech is muffled and that she cannot walk.

“I could no longer be an ER doctor or go to a medical office,” she said. “It made it hard to walk and talk, and I had to rethink everything that I thought was ‘normal’ and ‘important.’”

She said the physicians she encountered were quick to label her, saying they “just wanted to put [her] in a cookie-cutter … condition.”

“No one really thought outside the box,” Gabayan said. “The only people who did were the wise, so then I looked into wisdom and I was shocked.”

Gabayan has since “completely shifted gears” from being an emergency room doctor to focusing on a “new scientific study and new book” with a goal of helping “others find more inner peace, joy and success.”

She said she wanted to better understand “wise” people who “looked at conditions and life with a wider lens.”

Gabayan then launched The Wisdom Research Project, which included interviewing 60 people aged 50 to 79 years old across North America who were nominated as “wise.” What she found through her research is the basis of her book.

“Based on interviewing these ‘wise’ individuals, I was able to scientifically define wisdom as eight life skills that together instill wisdom—and are not taught at school,” Gabayan said. “I now believe that ‘things happen for you, not to you,’ and encourage people to look for the bigger meaning of things that happen to them. I also believe that wisdom is not related to accomplishments or wealth, but is a passion and love of life that results in meaning and depth.”

Gabayan discovered through her research that wisdom includes eight intertwined traits: resilience, kindness, positivity, spirituality, humility, tolerance, creativity and curiosity, in that order. The most common trait Gabayan said she encountered was resilience, which is why it is listed first.

“Each interviewee had at least two elements, most had five and only one person out of the 60 exhibited all eight qualities,” Gabayan explained. “It takes time to build these life skills.”

Among those interviewed were a widower of two husbands, a concentration camp survivor, a CEO of five companies, nonprofit leaders, marketing professionals and more.

“What’s surprised me the most is the amount of difficulty and trauma people have gone through, and yet they were not bitter, they were not angry and they were just more at peace,” Gabayan said.

The second surprise, Gabayan said, was how prevalent the element of kindness was among those who are considered wise.

“I came from the Middle East—kindness was not viewed with respect there,” she described. “It was viewed as weakness, but yet these people viewed kindness—and not only in a way of who they surround themselves with, but the way they treated themselves and the way they treated humanity with—kindess was very important to them.”

Through researching and writing the book, Gabayan said, she realized it was her husband’s kindness that she was originally drawn to, describing him as “very kind.” She said she now pays more attention to kindness in people.

Also in the book are journaling exercises at the end of each chapter to help guide readers to enhance these “core life skills, increase their wisdom, be more successful and be happier.” Gabayan also has peppered in “practical tips”—for example, in the “Positivity” chapter, she recommended that people surround themselves with “pleasant pictures and enjoyable music,” as well as “meditate and envision overcoming the challenge.”

Gabayan described “Common Wisdom” as more than a self-help book—it is a “practical guide to viewing life differently.” She shared that she hopes people go through life as “a warrior and not a victim,” that they realize “things are happening for you and not to you,” noting it’s important to “live in faith and not fear.”

She also said she does not believe in wasting people’s time—so the book is “very to the point.”

“I also had my share of writing very boring manuscripts,” Gabayan said, “and so I specifically made this one very easy to read, very simple but powerful. I feel like you can make your point and you don’t have to use jargon to do it.”

She suggested anyone “seeking more meaning and fulfillment in their lives” or “interested in enhancing and mastering life” pick up the book, as well as those “wanting to learn life skills not taught in schools.”

“My new mission is to help people find more joy, peace, happiness and success through these insights and new life skills,” Gabayan said. “The Wisdom Research Project interviewees gave me hope and new perspectives … when things look like they’re not in your benefit, just have faith. Don’t live in fear. Live in faith that things will turn around and work out.”

For more information, including a link to purchase the book, visit lauragabayan.com.