Q:I didn’t spend much time around kids before I had my baby, so it came as a surprise to me when, what felt like the minute my baby became a toddler, he started getting pickier with what he was eating. He particularly has a hard time with proteins, like chicken, beef, pork, etc., and vegetables. He’s still pretty young, at 17 months old, so I am wondering, is there a good method at his age to get him to eat a wider variety? Do I just keep offering him an array of options til he shows interest?

Photo by Jeff Lipsky
I am so happy when parents reach out with these kinds of questions, rather than blindly moving forward and actually creating a bigger problem.
Food and eating are particularly sensitive issues for us moms. I am being gender specific because, in my experience, it seems to bother/worry moms more than dads. (Of course, they care; they just don’t fret!) It’s kind of funny how we view our children’s eating as a reflection of our parenting. More, we feel so accomplished when our child has eaten a “square meal,” as my mother used to call it. My toddler ate fish and broccoli; I am a great mom!
First of all, I am crossing my fingers that you have read the chapter in my book, “Just Tell Me What to Say,” called “How Many Bites Til I Can Get Dessert?” It is all about these kinds of food issues, including eating behaviors.
Many people have the idea that children are born kind of a blank slate when it comes to eating, that they like any and everything. That’s just not the case. The only thing I know for sure is that most infants are happy to have sweet things … and later in life, demand them! In the old days, infants used to be fed sugar water bottles. Can you imagine?! Like all people, babies develop their own tastes and desires. And they definitely have different preferences, likes and DISLIKES as they grow. It is very much a part of the typically developing child. In fact, as the child grows from toddler to teen, s/he will go through several periods of Ewwww I hate that! and I will only eat peanut butter on bagels.
There is even a period in the developing young child’s life when s/he will eat only bland food—white bread, plain pasta, pretzels, etc. … Dr. Leann Birch, a professor and eating specialist at Pennsylvania State University, tells us that this behavior is likely a carryover from primitive times when not eating potent-tasting foods prevented children from ingesting toxic substances. But get ready for that stage!
Having preferences for foods also fuels the child’s sprouting autonomy. In discovering his own taste and that he actually has a choice, he is also promoting his power, control and developing sense of self.
In addition to the developmental aspect of food preferences, there is the emotional part. Without going into it deeply, what a child does or doesn’t eat can become a nasty control problem between child and parent especially as he gets older. No parent wants to have a child who fights about food. Trouble ahead for them!
All this is to say, you have a normal child! What should you do now? For sure I caution you not to make food and eating a big deal. In fact, do not fight about food. You will never win. While of course you know that nutrition contributes to a healthy child, control issues do not! Your child will, eventually, eat just what he needs. I always chuckle in recalling that one of my kids would not put one green thing in his mouth. He picked out anything that resembled green in everything he ate regardless of how tiny it was. And now he and his wife belong to a farm co-op!
Here is my advice to you. Take pains to make meal times pleasant. Offer your child a variety of foods, and allow him to eat what he eats. You can pleasantly suggest he just taste something, but nothing more than that. Never give up. It often takes a child 15 or more tries with a food before he will eat it.
By all means, do not become a special meal chef. As he gets older, your child needs to eat only what everyone else is eating together at the same table. Just be sure to throw in something he will eat, be it fruit or pasta or whatever. And be sure to serve him very small amounts of each food. No mountains of macaroni. Give him a little, and let him ask for more.
Make sure that an adult eats with your child. Pull that high chair right up to the dining room table. The adult can model eating lots of things, saying, “Oh boy, this chicken is so good. I am so glad I tasted it.” Children do pick up on what the parent/care giver is doing.
No screens at a meal, of course. Chit chat is the greatest. An occasional story is fine. Keep your expectations reasonable. And never subscribe to the clean plate club.
I can’t wait until you write to me asking what to do about the bottomless pit your son has become!
BBB is a child development and behavior specialist in Pacific Palisades. She can be reached through betsybrownbraun.com.
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