‘28 Remarkable Years’: Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben Retires

When Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben came to Pacific Palisades, he had little knowledge of the small coastal community or the congregation of 240 families that would welcome him, his wife Didi and their daughter Gable. Now, 28 years later, the community at Kehillat Israel has grown to include nearly 1,000 families, making it one of the largest Reconstructionist Congregations in the world.

“I came here just looking for a job. Who knew it would turn out like this?” Reuben said. “What a stroke of luck that I ended up in the best community on the planet.”

Just weeks before his retirement, the rabbi sits in his office, surrounded by photographs, mementos and awards reflecting all he has cared for and invited in.

They commemorate nearly three decades of cherished moments; windows into the many lives impacted by Reuben.

While he has poured his life into the community, Reuben humbly insists the community has given as much back to him.

“I’m never sure that I’m giving to this community, but I am always sure that they are giving to me. People are so generous to share their lives with me. That’s where I find my life’s meaning – when they allow me to be part of their lives,” he said.

Supporting homeless shelters and civil rights campaigns, juvenile justice and eliminating hunger, Reuben has used his platform to talk about ethical and world issues on behalf of those most vulnerable in society – a task with no end.

“That’s both one of the challenges and opportunities of this profession. It’s not a job, but a life,” he said. “Either you love it and you’re suited for it or it will burn you out. You have to be on 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. That’s my life and I love it.”

Being on 24/7/365 for 28 years has allowed the rabbi to have his hand in a number of pricless moments, including 2,293 bar and bat mitzvahs, 1,572 weddings, 2,582 baby namings and even a vow renewal service for Ozzy and Sharon Osborne.

“Life is about moments. You can’t predict which ones are going to be memorable. Every week there has been drama and excitement, joy and sadness – all of it is an opportunity to engage with people,” Reuben said. “It’s a privilege to be let into those moments. That’s the opportunity I have. That’s what this is all about.”

On May 30, Reuben will share his final moments as rabbi when he leads his last Shabbat for the KI community. The weekend will be commemorated with a black tie tribute dinner to celebrate KI’s future on the occasion of Reuben’s retirement. While the event promises to be elegant, Reuben said it has been the small tokens of gratitude over the years that truly honor him.

“I have a file of poignant letters people have sent me in gratitude over the years and all along they have served as the most precious validation of the value of my role and really, my life,” he said.

That role, for Reuben, has been the opportunity to join people on their journey through life and faith, a chance to instill in people that who they are matters; what they say matters; what they do matters; and to be let into the most powerful moments of their lives, both traumatic and beautiful.

“I discovered this is what I was meant for – being part of the intimate parts of people’s lives and being a part of their community,” Reuben said. “Being Jewish is not as much about belief as it is about belonging. To deeply feel you are part of a community is a gift and an opportunity that I didn’t understand fully until I was doing it.”

In an effort to create that sense of belonging, the rabbi said he has strived to facilitate an inclusive and non-judgmental community where people feel welcome and validated.

“Caring is our only business. We need to stand on behalf of everyone and take more opportunities to speak out on ethical issues. That philosophy has been expressed in all we do,” he said, adding that this has been the collaborative effort of a staff and congregation banded together by the same aspiration.

“I am so lucky to have had a staff that is so nurturing and supporting all these years. It’s part of what makes this congregation so special,” Reuben said. “It’s a beautiful partnership and we have the most remarkable spiritual community I’ve ever seen.”

A strong believer that the community – and the world – is enriched by differences, Reuben has worked to build a congregation that celebrates the best parts of the human spirit, inviting any with an interest to pray, learn and embrace Jewish values at KI.

“There is always more that unites us than divides us,” he said. “The most important part of the Torah is the idea that human beings are created in the image of God. If every time we looked at each other we saw the image of God, it would change the world. That’s a world I would like to live in.”

Though it was a difficult choice to step down after 28 years, Reuben said he decided a long time ago that he wanted to retire while he was still young and healthy enough to enjoy it.

“It’s always best to leave them wanting more,” he laughed.

Reuben added the transition has been made much easier knowing he leaves his congregation in the capable hands of Rabbi Amy Bernstein, who will take over the primary leadership after his retirement.

“She is the perfect person to take over. She has the personality, the intelligence, the charm, the wisdom and the passion to lead this community. I’m thrilled to turn this over to her,” Reuben said. “As for my role, I plan to be involved on some meaningful level for the rest of my life. We’ll see what the future holds. The excitement is in the unknown.”

One thing is certain, however; the rabbi and his wife have no plans to leave the Palisades – other than on a long-awaited vacation.

“As retirement approached, we contemplated moving and asked ourselves, ‘Where do we want to be?’” he said. “But what is better than Pacific Palisades? Nothing. We could never leave now. This is our community and this will always be home.”