Pen Pals

Steven and Didi Carr Reuben Collaborate on New Book About Marriage

By STEVE GALLUZZO | Sports Editor

The preface to Steven and Didi Carr Reuben’s new book begins with the following hypothetical: “If we had a dollar for every time someone said to us, ‘If only I knew then what I know now, I never would have married my first husband,’ we’d probably be the richest clergy couple in America!”

They should know. For more than 40 years as a rabbi, Steven has counseled thousands of couples of all ages and backgrounds who have come to him for relationship advice.

For the past 36 years of their marriage, Didi has been serving as informal counselor, guide and assertive training teacher to adults and youth alike, and for years wrote a popular “Dear Abby”-type column (“Dear Rebbetzin Didi”), dispensing personal advice and support for couples and individuals of all ages.

So their collaboration on “How to Marry Your Second Husband First!” is dedicated to all those looking for “The One” with whom to share their life.

The 46-page paperback, illustrated by Seth Mallios, is divided into five easy-to-read chapters: “10 Steps to Finding Your ‘Second Husband’ First,” Red Light/Green Light,” “Forty Questions for a Deeper Dive,” “Better to Marry Your ‘Second Husband’ Second (Or Even Third, Or Even Fourth Than Never at All,” and “Conclusion … Where You Go From Here.”

Steven Carr Reuben, Ph.D., is rabbi emeritus of Kehillat Israel Reconstructionist Congregation. He is a nationally recognized expert in the field of moral education and is the recipient of numerous community awards, including the Micah Award for founding the largest full-service homeless shelter in Los Angeles.

He is also a recipient of the Unsung Hero Award from the Youth Law Center in San Francisco. A household name and recognizable face in the Palisades, he has contributed to a wide variety of publications as an author and composer.

He has bachelor’s degrees in philosophy and political science from UC Davis; a master’s degree in education from USC; certification in aging and human development from the University of Georgia; a Ph.D. in religion from Sierra University; and two honorary Doctor of Divinity degrees. He was ordained in 1976 by the Hebrew Union College. He is also the past president of the Board of Rabbis of Southern California.

After decades of helping others, Steven and his life partner authored this book as their unique recipe for creating a successful marriage and finding the right life partner. Filled with their particular brand of down-to-earth relationship advice and blending humor and experience—both personal and professional—“How To Marry Your Second Husband First” is a practical “how-to” designed to be a guide for anyone looking for a road map to identify the qualities in themselves and a potential partner that will give them the best possible chance at finding a lasting, life-long spiritual partnership.

Long active in the neighborhood, the couple has enjoyed the many holiday traditions that have defined Pacific Palisades as a close-knit community, ideal for raising a family. In November, Steven hosted a virtual Thanksgiving event on behalf of the Pacific Palisades Interfaith Clergy for which, even amid the COVID-19 pandemic, more than 150 community members came together virtually through Zoom.

Steven served as rabbi at Kehillat Israel for nearly three decades, retiring in the spring of 2014. When he first arrived, the local congregation consisted of 240 families. By the time he left it, some 28 fruitful years later, the KI community had grown to nearly 1,000 families.

“I came here just looking for a job. Who knew it would turn out like this?” Reuben told the Palisadian-Post then. “What a stroke of luck that I ended up in the best community on the planet.”

Published in October, “How to Marry Your Second Husband First” is available in paperback (there is also a Kindle edition) at Amazon.