The Palisadian-Post presents an homage to Will Rogers’ column, “Will Rogers Says,” with a column by Palisadian Jimmy Dunne—on life in the “greatest town in America.”
It was my daughter Kaitlyn’s 13th birthday, and she wanted to do something fun for her sleepover birthday party that night.
So her godfather (Palisadian Ted McGinley) and I came up with our own Palisades version of Orson Wells’ “War of the Worlds.”
Here’s the blow-by-blow that night …
7:50 p.m.
With Kaitlyn’s six besties watching TV in our family room, Ted stopped by with a present for his goddaughter.
He nonchalantly asked if we heard about the four “life forms,” as the news was calling them, who were captured a couple hours ago on an asparagus farm near Fresno, California. He said the Fresno authorities didn’t know if there were more out there.
Ted had some cockamamie story how the aliens were flown by fighter pilots to be nationally quarantined in Bethesda, Maryland.
8:05 p.m.
We had one of the moms call her daughter, and she told her not to be frightened about the Fresno incident. She wanted to let her know, no matter what happened tonight—she’d always love her.
Let’s just say that knocked things up a big notch.
8:10 p.m.
To take their mind off it, I stood right in front of the French doors that lead out to our backyard—and showed the girls a new stupid magic trick. While I was doing the trick, Ted completely—I mean completely covered from head-to-foot in Reynolds Wrap—ran by in the backyard. The “alien” had a quirky limp and seemed to make a high-pitched noise.
The girls erupted. I became a tree—with every girl hanging on my body for dear life.
I told them their imaginations were getting the best of them; that I didn’t see anything run by.
They smelled I was up to something—but they were loving the scary ride.
We decided to call the police and report the incident. Whoops, my phone was dead. That’s odd.
Yikes. The lights in the family room were going up and down. (Maybe that’s because my wife Catherine had her back against the dimmer switch.)
We decided to all get in my Explorer and drive to the Palisades police station. With a swarm of girls hanging on me, we walked, inch by inch, through the house and to the car.
8:20 p.m.
We carefully drove down our side street. Out of nowhere, who jumped in front of our car—but the alien. The light shining on the Reynolds Wrap made the alien look like a ball of white energy.
Let’s just say I wish I had earplugs.
8:25 p.m.
Arrived at the police station. I instructed the looney-tunes to control themselves; to have one girl tell the officer calmly what they thought they saw.
They all started yapping a million miles an hour.
The officer, a great guy, said the police station had received numerous sightings. He handed them a flyer that he said officers were distributing right now—to every store and house in Pacific Palisades—warning them of the imminent danger.
He asked one of the girls to read the flyer out loud.
The kids were glued as Katie’s friend, Ashley Palmer, read how the life form should be considered dangerous.
She read everyone the three things you must do if approached by the alien:
- Stand as still as possible.
- Slowly put your hands over your head.
- And wish Kaitlyn Dunne a Happy 13th Birthday.
Jimmy Dunne is modern-day Renaissance Man; a hit songwriter (28 million hit records), screenwriter/producer of hit television series, award-winning author, an entrepreneur—and a Palisadian “Citizen of the Year.” You can reach him at j@jimmydunne.com.
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