By Betsy Brown Braun | Special to the Palisadian-Post
Q:My husband and I found that our 9-year-old son has been visiting sexually explicit websites on his computer. How can we discuss this with him without making him embarrassed?
I must say, I thought you were going to ask, “What should we do?” Instead, your concern is about embarrassing him and not what to say to him. That second question is one I have answered countless times.
Many parents of tweens and teens are struggling with the issue of kids visiting porn sites online. Do you know that pornography viewing by tweens and teens has become a public health problem?
I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but I am deeply concerned that boys and girls today are learning about sex and sexual behavior from internet explorations and depictions. We certainly don’t want our kids to think that the sex and sexual behaviors and relationships they are viewing are normal and what they should expect. And, as importantly, we must not allow the horrible way women are portrayed and treated to seem acceptable, to say nothing of that being what women want. (If you haven’t yet read the book or seen the video “Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality” by Gail Dines, it’s time.)
Now breathe.
Each parent will have a different comfort level in discussing any of the myriad aspects of sex that need to be addressed with their children sooner and hopefully not later. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that this information must come from you, the parents.
You and your partner need to discuss exactly what you believe and the explanation you intend to share. Say the words. Practice. The more you go over it, the easier the words will roll off your tongue, unpolluted by your nervous tone. The more comfortable you sound, the better the chance of your child absorbing the real meaning of your words (and not your issues).
As challenging as the conversation might seem, once you get started, you will be relieved
Now, the fact that your son might be embarrassed by the topic cannot influence your decision to have the conversation. My guess is that many things you do embarrass him. You’re parents!
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